Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Too Many Years of Hell

About four years ago I reached ABD status, and how I wish that were a degree in itself. But no--I have to write a goddamn dissertation to get the Holy Grail. Four years, and yet I have only managed to squeeze out one chapter. I know about 200 pages is what separates me from long dreamed-of freedom, and yet I struggle terribly to write anything at all. The process is incredibly distasteful for me. And yet I can't give up, because I suffered too long in graduate school to leave without my little piece of paper. Too many tears, too much blood, and a fair bit of sweat have been shed in pursuing what I thought at one time would be a quick "backup plan." Having spent as many years as I have in the halls of academia, I no longer desire to be a professor. But I refuse to leave without acknowledgment of my years of suffering. How will I get over this horrible wall that separates me from The Rest of My Life?

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Blogger academic coach said...

sounds like you're getting close... and it IS worth it to finish. And move on.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am now struggling with my MA. Two years ago I made a dreadful mistake of thinking that I want and need an MA. It's been a year now, my friends are finishing their PhDs and I'm still fighting, every bloody day with escapism and despair. thank you for the words of wisdom.

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