Sunday, April 10, 2005

Complete Lack of Focus

So this blog (my end of it), has become an example of my general tendencies with...well, just about everything (except chocolate--how could one ever lose focus on chocolate?). I get really obsessive about something and then I move on. Wait a second...no, there is a second exception. The dissertation! I never became obsessed with that. I NEED to become obsessed with that. If only it didn't require months of obsession. I have not written anything since being free of that horrible job. I've been busy with TAing and bureaucratic stuff. Taxes. That sort of thing. But tomorrow I have one of my dreaded (but oh so necessary for me) meetings with my dissertation advisor, and I PROMISED that I'd have a new chunk to show. Something "fat" is what she asked for. Sheer volume. I meant to write all Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I am only now preparing to write. I am so good at planning to do stuff. Man, my "to do" lists are works of sheer genius. Detailed, nuanced, elegant...incredible finesse. If in addition to that I was any good at delegating, which I'm not, I would make a good business person.
So, enough of this...gonna go look to see if my muse is hiding underneath some dirty socks or behind the stove.

11 Comments:

Blogger Francesca said...

*sigh*
I know too well how you feel. I eventually did come to get "obsessed" with my dissertation after about two years of faffing around. I'm not exactly sure what did it for me. A few things must have played a role. I'm tired of paying continuing studies fees to my university. I'm tired of just having part-time jobs. A couple of my peers finished their PhDs and I'm such a competetive person, I couldn't be last!
I don't know what the secret recipe is for you, Pureco, but I know you will find it.

5:47 PM  
Anonymous lienor said...

I just stumbled on your post, and it made me dizzy because it was sort of like reading my own thoughts. I never thought to ask myself in so many words how I can get obsessed with everything else in the world and NOT the dissertation, but it's a great way to describe my relationship to it. After literally *years* of stalling, I have just now managed to get at least more engaged with it, and am slowly approaching obsession, but it's been a very slow process. I highly recommend, if you don't already know it, a book called "Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes A Day," by Joan Bolker. It's essentially a recipe for creating obsession by kind of sneaking up on yourself, and I find it's actually working. I'm looking forward to reading more of this blog; if you're interested in my agonies, I'm recording them on livejournal.com. My user name is abd07.
Good luck!

10:23 PM  
Blogger Porkorama said...

AAAHH!! A twin soul! Hi lienor...I will definitely check out your journal. Send me an email if you have any desire to join this blog. I've been neglecting it. I briefly borrowed the Dissertation in 15 minutes a day, only read the first couple of chapters, and was going to get my own copy until someone told me I was just finding another way of procrastinating.... Maybe I will take a look again, as bedtime reading.

1:12 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hello,

I am reading your blog and I can't tell how much you and I are similar. I too come to work on one day before the deadlines and fret my meeting will be a disaster but then goes OK. I too think I am too good to work without enough time but at the same time not good enough to produce. I know its already a while of your blog but I would like to know when was that AHA! Moment that made you "obsessive" with your diss? I am also three months away from delivering and can't seem to get engaged either. Can I reach you on email somehow? THanks, M.

5:45 AM  
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