Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Too Many Years of Hell

About four years ago I reached ABD status, and how I wish that were a degree in itself. But no--I have to write a goddamn dissertation to get the Holy Grail. Four years, and yet I have only managed to squeeze out one chapter. I know about 200 pages is what separates me from long dreamed-of freedom, and yet I struggle terribly to write anything at all. The process is incredibly distasteful for me. And yet I can't give up, because I suffered too long in graduate school to leave without my little piece of paper. Too many tears, too much blood, and a fair bit of sweat have been shed in pursuing what I thought at one time would be a quick "backup plan." Having spent as many years as I have in the halls of academia, I no longer desire to be a professor. But I refuse to leave without acknowledgment of my years of suffering. How will I get over this horrible wall that separates me from The Rest of My Life?


Blogger academic coach said...

sounds like you're getting close... and it IS worth it to finish. And move on.

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I am now struggling with my MA. Two years ago I made a dreadful mistake of thinking that I want and need an MA. It's been a year now, my friends are finishing their PhDs and I'm still fighting, every bloody day with escapism and despair. thank you for the words of wisdom.

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